As parents you don’t want to have a weak stomach. I mean not that you can choose. But it’s an advantage.
You don’t want to be icky about things because once you have kids, you enter a whole new world.
A whole new world that is manifested on poo, vomit and snots.
A world of epic grossness. Yep, you heard it here first. Thank me later.
You will do things that you never thought you would do and think nothing of it.
I am happy to present you with a list of things most if not all parents will have done (or will probably do at some stage in their parenting journey.) Sorry, but I am not sorry and you’re welcome.
1) Eat things off the floor the kid dropped, because, you wouldn’t want to waste food. And somebody has got to clean up that mess.
2) Eating things off your baby’s bib. Soggy Cheerios, half-chewed carrots…you just can’t help yourself. And into the mouth it goes. Nom nom. (You’ll never admit it but you’re guilty as charged!)
3) When you go out and your child’s face is covered in the remainders of lunch. You don’t have wet wipes handy because you ALWAYS leave them in the other bag, so with ninja like movements you use fingers and spit to clean his face. Because mom.
4) You will find yourself fishing various objects out of the toilet. Anything goes: toys, Lego, iPhones, toilet rolls…..
5) When you pick up that raising off the floor after a nappy change and realize it’s actually not a raisin. Nope. Definitely not a raisin.
6) You will use whatever is handiest to wipe your kids’ noses. You may use your own clothes or in fact your kids’ t-shirt because you forgot the wet wipes and tissues. Again! (They are in the other bag!)
7) You will clean up poo that has managed its way all the way up baby’s back. You will clean up sidewinders, as we lovingly call it, where the poo has completely sidestepped the nappy. This will take roughly about 25 wet wipes, a new outfit for both you and the baby and you may find yourself gagging a couple of times. Also commonly referred to as Poonami.
8) You will catch vomit with your bare hands. Spoiler alert: It won’t be yours. Alternatively you may be woken by the child with the tummy bug who got sick and now looks like someone threw a bowl of Spaghetti Bolognese at him. Enjoy cleaning that up.
9) When you remove one of the children’s car seats from the backseat and find that apple that’s been decaying under the seat. Ok. That explains the smell….
10) You will examine your kids and babies and every crevice of their bodies and dig out snots and earwax where applicable. FYI, it is applicable ALL of the time. Enjoy that, too.
And you’ll do all those things without batting an eyelid, without thinking anything of it, like the mum boss that you are.
Stay tuned over the next few days. Queen of my Castle Blog is going to be 1 year old and there will be a lovely give away for anyone who has empty pockets after Christmas and wants to take part!