- Prepare baby’s food
- Check temperature (and burn your mouth because you microwaved the s**t out of it. Again!)
- Cool down food.
- Placing baby in high chair will be quite like struggling with an octopus.
- Put bib around baby’s neck.
- Stop baby from chocking himself as he tries to pull if off again.
- Insist baby wears a bib.
- Give in and take off bib.
- Get the spoon ready to feed baby.
- Baby will hide behind hands. Aww. Little cutie.
- Play peek-a-boo. Where is Mama? Oh, here she is….. Right, back to business.
- Half the contents on the spoon have now fallen onto your lap. F**k.
- Totally unimpressed. Wipe it away.
- Baby is now magically standing in his highchair with a big smile.
- Ignore cute smile. Put baby sitting down again. Tell him ‘No!”
- Repetition of octopus struggle as per point 4.
- Strap baby into highchair this time!
- Expect objection.
- Overcome objection. (Oh dear, here comes the fake cough! Drama queen.)
- Load up 2nd spoon.
- Baby turns head just as you approach his mouth.
- Half of the food now sticks to baby’s cheek, while the other half lands on the high chair tray.
- Wipe it, quickly!
- Baby was quicker and is playing patty cake with the mush. F**K!
- Scramble for wipes (they are most likely in another room) and clean baby’s hands and tray.
- Time for some animated entertainment. (Babies love entertainment.) Start singing to distract him from the approaching spoon.
- Success! Baby opens mouth and eats a spoonful.
- Skip the happy dance and continue shoveling more food into baby’s mouth while the going is good.
- Keep singing intensely to keep baby distracted. (Be as animated as you need to be to keep the focus.)
- It’s not working. Baby gets restless in his highchair.
- Place raisins on the tray to keep him interested and distracted.
- Watch as baby drops raisins – one by one – onto the floor.
- Reprimand baby. No!
- Pick them up one by one and place them back in front of baby.
- Watch the repeat. (Best game ever, by the way!)
- Pick them up again.
- Hover with the spoon before baby’s mouth and wait for him to finish eating raisins.
- Quickly shove another spoon into the mouth before another raisin goes in. Yess!
- Baby is getting restless again.
- Ok, time for the big guns: Here comes the aeroplane (Neeeeeooooooww)
- Baby is fascinated. Shovel a couple of spoons in.
- Here comes another aeroplane. (This is working a treat!)
- Neeeeeooooooww,….the spoon goes flying halfway through the room. Food everywhere.
- Grab wipes, quickly!
- Baby was quicker. Smears food all over high chair tray.
- Wipe the tray, quickly!
- Baby was quicker and is now running his food-covered hands through his hair. (Are you kidding me?) Keep that positivity going!
- Here comes another aeroplane (Neeeeeooooooww)
- Baby counter-attacks aeroplane.
- Black Hawk down. (or something like that) Food has landed partially on floor, partially on your sock.
Baby’s hair and face are covered in baby food.
The floor has been redecorated with raisins; the highchair is destroyed with mush.
Ok. I am too old for this shit.
That’s a wrap.
Time for a bath.
Wipe baby down with wipes, and go for a nice relaxing bath 🙂
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