Dear January. You have been a bitch!

img_6815Who am I?

I am grumpy and dull.

I linger.

I cause water tables to be at an all-time high and moods to be at an all-time low. 
I make you feel like there is no end in sight and suck the life right out of you….

Dear January

How do I say this without being rude…..

You have been a bitch!

There! I said it.

I shouldn’t be cursing, but it needed to be said. I needed to clear my system of you.

I was all cozy in December; fairy lights hugging me, all relaxed in a haze of warmth, uninterrupted songs, a free-flowing supply of mulled wine and indulgence in anticipation of what the new Year would bring. I was thinking to myself life couldn’t be more beautiful. And then BAM!

You dragged your ass in here with that long face of yours, gatecrashed my party and dragged me and everyone else down with you. Oh, but you brought a gift? Greyness, dreariness, and depression. Why, thank you, but I was all good for gaelforce winds, flooding and weather alerts.

Four weeks of solid rain, darkness and more darkness. How do you manage that? It’s dark all the time. Did you have your listening ears turned up when we were singing “Oh Mister Sun” or “Rain, Rain, Go away”? You didn’t, did you!

Four weeks of having dinner at 4 o’clock because it feels like half seven. Four weeks of having the kids dressed for bed 3 hours ahead of bedtime. Every day feels like the equivalent of two days of any other month. It’s like every day is Monday and AM looks identical to PM. Every time I look at the calendar, it appears that time has stopped. You nauseate me. You are the only month where there is feck all to do and zip to look forward to. An entire month of being stuck in the house trying to avoid all that you have to offer. There is only so much coloring and playdough anyone can handle and I have had my fill of Paw Patrol and Doc McStuffins. We have been plagued by colditis, snotitis and gravytrainitis. That paired with the cold financial shower of realising the monetary deficit after the splurging out over Christmas, and the New Year’s resolution of “Dry January” make you one colossal, unlikable Blah. You got me down big time, but guess what! Your days are numbered! Even though every day I would have given my right arm for a giant bucket of Vino and a few Jägerbombs to take my mind off you, I stuck out the no-drinking promise!

In your face, dry January. And that diet? Not this time, my friend. I hope you enjoyed your organic spinach-kale-linseed smoothie and your Müsli!

Gosh, you irritate me.

Hurry up, February. I need a hug and a drink.

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2 thoughts on “Dear January. You have been a bitch!

  1. Oh god, I completely feel the same. Thank goodness it’s all behind us now and we have the lovely spring and summer to look forward to…. I mean we still have galeforce winds but it’ll pick up soon… right?

    Thanks for linking to #chucklemums lovely!

    Like

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