Roadrage in the Supermarket

IMG_1258Going out with children is a big deal. Going out requires planning, organization and preparation. But when you have one or multiple children in tow, you come to realize one thing.

“Time is of the essence!”

Time and timing are critical when small people are involved in your plans. Unless you are a fan of unnecessary stress and pressure, of course. Poor planning and bad timing are the pitfalls of the venturing parent. So when you venture out with the smallies, and you have a time window of limited duration, the last thing you need is other people slowing you down.

Today’s post in devoted to all the slow, sluggish, lethargic, slothful and unhurried people in the world.

Hello slow Person,

We have met before. We have met numerous times in fact. More than I desired.

I am a mum. Of course! You could tell. The frazzled look about me and the army of kids were a dead give away.

So here’s the thing.

I work under time constraints and under a lot of pressure. Everything I do, I do it fast-paced, because I have to. I am at the grace of these small little people. It may come as a surprise to you but kids generally don’t have a lot of patience. They have small bladders, have nap times, and simply aren’t lovers of sitting in the buggy or in the car seat for prolonged times.

In other news, I don’t have time for dawdling, galavanting, meandering, or leisurely strolling, casually zigzagging in the middle of the footpath, shop aisle or road. It gives me roadrage! In the middle of the shoping aisle!

You are slowing me down and that’s a problem. You are causing me major frustration.

You are everywhere I go.

You are driving in front of me and you are driving as slow as hell. Unlike you, I am in a hurry. Aforementioned carload full of kids is either hungry, tired, needs to pee or all three. So if you care to get out of my way, thankyouverymuch….

You are the person at the checkout in the supermarket. You are having a good old chinwag with the customer in front of me. Chatting about the weather or some other random shite. Why are you moving in slow motion? No, I don’t have a loyalty card. I also don’t want to sign up for one. No, I am not collecting stamps and I don’t have time to sign up for the raffle either. Whatever else you want to ask the answer is ‘no’. Just hurry with the scanning my groceries, thankyouverymuch.

You are the person in the coffee shop. I know you are being polite and probably genuine adoring my baby and commenting on his big blue eyes and curly hair (he is pretty cute to be fair). You know this darling child of mine that you are looking at? That’s a ticking timebomb. That’s right. The time window is slowly but surely closing. I need to get out of here before shit hits the fan.

I do apologize to all slow people for perhaps visibly rolling my eyes out loud, exhaling forcefully or muttering profanities under my breath.

Next time you see a poor mother with a little army of kids in the supermarket and perhaps one of them is having a major meltdown in the toy aisle, you will understand, and perhaps make way……

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I am on Facebook.

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12 thoughts on “Roadrage in the Supermarket

  1. Oh this is definitely me too. Yes, aisle rage is real here too, it’s a great term and I will reuse it if you don’t mind?! Why don’t people have those bloody loyalty cards ready at the cash desk when they’ve been stood waiting in line for ages. I don’t get it at all! TY for linking up to #FamilyFun 🎉

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  2. Lol yes a mum with a toddler having a meltdown is definitely one that you need to get out of the way for quickly! I do occasionally have moments of road rage with slow people in the supermarket but I have to confess that I’m probably more likely to be the one being slow and annoying and just not realising it – so sorry if I’ve ended up enraging you as a result! Thanks for linking up to #FamilyFun 🙂

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  3. There is nothing that annoys me more than people that go to the supermarket on a family outing and like to slowly look at everything… Just go elsewhere. We need to get the shopping done! #familyfun

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  4. Get a move on! That’s what goes on in Mother’s head and she can’t help but show her frustration. Good job then that all her shopping is now done online 😉 #bigpinklink

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  5. Oh no, I am the slow person in front of you! I always stop and talk to everyone, about everything! I just make my baby suck it up, she just has to wait for me haha!
    #fartglitter

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  6. Hahaha this is so true and so me!! I actually have to bite my lip to stop myself chivying along some poor dawdling sole by clapping my hands behind them and “shooing” them out of my way. Instead I do the oh so passive aggressive “accelerate to a ridiculous sprint march” and overtake them with force! Brilliant.
    Thanks for linking up with #fartglitter x

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  7. haha! this is brilliant! I remember this… however, I’m going to apologise now, because I am most definitely one of those getting in your way! My kids are older now and me and the teen love a leisurely shop, and a slow walk looking at things.. lol I had forgotten what you guys go through and I will try to make a conscious effort to move haha… I’ve served my time, and now am enjoying my ‘parole’. funny post! #fartglitter

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  8. Even without the kids, I want in and out. I get very frustrated with snail shoppers. I always feel ungrateful and bitchy getting annoyed and then I remember, that’s kind of who I am so I chalk it up to authenticity instead and I feel better.
    We were on #BlogStars together thanks to Prabs.

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  9. Have you seen the meme, ‘I secretly want to punch slow walkers in the back of the head’? This post reminded me of that!! I try so hard to be patient but often have this weird tick going in my jaw as the person in front of me makes a 30 second transaction last five minutes. And don’t get me started on motorway middle lane hoggers. MOVE!! 😀 #bigpinklink

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  10. My patience is hugely lacking since I had the kids! Especially when you have naps or potential meltdowns on the horizon!!!! Great post 🙂 #fartglitter

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