Fulltime Mother – Queen of my Castle

So, blogging, eh?

Seems to be the latest thing.

Very fancy! La dee daa……

There are so many fantastic blogs out there that I have discovered recently. So many wonderful women and men with wonderful stories and anecdotes they have the courage to share. I myself enjoy reading blogs and after giving it some thought, I decided I’m doing it. I have made my mind up, and anyone who knows me knows that once I have my mind made up… It’s made up… It’s done. I am going to give it a shot, this blogging malarkey. Here goes…..

So, Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. Thanks for stopping by.

There is a million things off the top off my head that I want to chat about, rant about, laugh about and ponder. Oh God, where to start….How do you start….I’ll probably end up ranting mostly, but sure, what harm. When you are at home a lot by yourself with a bunch of kids trying to rob you of your sanity, you need an outlet and perhaps this is going to become mine.

Right, so….I am a young (this is totally subjective by the way) mother of 4 children. They range from 10 months to 9 years in age. Precisely, they are 9 yrs, 4 yrs, 3 yrs and 10 months. So it’s a full time job, as you can imagine. In fact, it’s MY full time job….. It still sounds strange when I say it like that. Here’s the thing. It wasn’t always my full time job. I used to have a “real” job….. and this smoothly brings me to the topic of my first ever blog. (drumroll!)

So, I recently handed in my notice.

I resigned.

I gave up my job.

I quit work.

(I need to spell it out as sometimes it seems it hasn’t hit home yet.)

I was working for a multinational for 11 years. I had a good job. A job which I loved…. (most of the time at least). I liked getting dressed up, going out to work, having important meetings, earning my own money, chatting to people at work. Our family grew from 3 to 6 in the last 5 years. In other words, I had 3 babies in 5 years. And with 4 young children in the family now, it took some serious consideration about staying in full-time employment. Would it still be worth my while going out to work every day? Would it be fair to the kids having two working parents? Would it make financial sense? I would never see them, would I? Would I be able to be the best mother that I can be trying to juggle full time employment, commuting, and my 4 children on top of managing a household and everything that comes with that? Would I be happy having someone else effectively raising them for me while I go out to work? I asked myself all of those questions. Myself and my himself talked it over many times over the last few years. Again and again. My husband and I knew that eventually I would be staying at home. He has always been very supportive of the idea recognizing the pressure it would take off everyone and that it would be what’s best for our children right now. Being perfectly honest, I always struggled with the idea, with the concept of staying at home. In theory, obviously, it’s a no-brainer. But is it for me? Am I a stay at home kind of woman? I was in a constant struggle with myself. The thought of not having a job gave me a tight feeling in my stomach. It made me antsy and uncomfortable. Being financially independent was a big deal for me. Being able to buy my own stuff, whatever stuff I wanted, was a big deal for me. Being something other than “just” a mum. I always took great pride in telling people the company I worked for. It made me feel important. Surely it would drive me demented being at home with the kids aaaaaaaaall day long. I felt a bit selfish and guilty for thinking that way, too. Imagining all my independence and the one part of my life where I wasn’t ‘Mama’ would be gone made me doubtful, panicky, anxious. For a number of reasons. One of them was that I felt that I would be, (and this may sound totally absurd) …..less. A lesser person, less interesting, less successful, less popular, with less purpose, less financially self-sufficient, less attractive, with less to talk about. Just less. And I temporarily lost a little bit of me and my identity, I think, the day I sent my resignation email. I am probably my own worst enemy. I feel there is still a stigma out there that women who stay at home are

1) a little lazy and couldn’t be bothered going out to earn an honest living, that they are taking the easy way out, clearly, or

2) that they walk around the city with their Brown Thomas shopping bags sipping on their Starbucks coffees.

Far from reality. Having been at home on maternity leave with my children and on extended parental leave, I know very well how hard this job is. (A topic for another blog perhaps) My utmost respect goes out to all you mums who do what I would consider to be the hardest job there is. In the decision making process my heart said one thing and my head another. I knew in my heart that staying at home with my kids is the right thing to do. Eventually I was ready. Ready to take the step into full-time motherhood and it was a bit like someone lifted a weight off my shoulders. So here I am.

I am now a stay-at-home mum. (practicing to say this with pride and like I own it!) Working in the home. A mum of four beautiful children. Every day comes with challenges. Every day is in some shape or form a struggle. Make no mistake about it. However, I am in the process of creating a new identity for myself without stigma and prejudice. Without needing a corporate job title to feel validated. One where being responsible for managing a family, running a household as well as the whole family business and caring for 4 little human beings doesn’t make me less anything. Because being a mum is only part of who I am.

I am the queen of my castle.

And for those of you, who can identify with any of this, remember:

“You is kind, you is smart, you is important.”

Phew. (This was mostly a pep talk to myself.)

Now, Sunshine. Lets do this! All those Starbucks coffees aren’t going to drink themselves.

 

2016, Let’s be having ya!

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27 thoughts on “Fulltime Mother – Queen of my Castle

  1. Ich nehme mir eine Minute Zeit, um dir zu schreiben und zu gratulieren, Augen zu und durch und das ist gut so für eine Entscheidung wie diese. Wie soll es auch anders gehen? Vier Kinder sind mehr als ein full-time-job, das wird manchmal vergessen. Du kannst stolz auf dich sein und ich grüße dich herzlich und werde die Queen-of-my-castle-Seiten ab und an besuchen, wenn ich Zeit habe… Die ist so ein rares Gut. Manchmal nehme ich mir sie auf Arbeit, verbotenerweise. Aber abends nach getanem Werk… Will ich keinen Rechner mehr sehen und auch kein Smartphone und auch keinen Fernseher. Ich will nur ruhen, mal was stricken oder lesen oder vor mich hin sein. Ich wünsche dir ein gutes Jahr 2016 und habe hier noch ein schönes Sprichwort zum Thema “being less”. Weniger ist mehr. Verschneite Lausitz-Grüße!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great blog! I’m working full time, sometimes I wish I could be a stay at home mum but lie you I worry I’d go mad! Plus there’s living off one wage – a hard job these days! I don’t think we can win either way! #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Welcome to the world of blogging and I am very honoured that you chose to link up your post with #FamilyFun Hope to see you again as I think you have a great style and would love to hear your stories. I hope you enjoy blogging but let me warn you it is extremely addictive!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Welcome to this wondeful world of blogging. I recognise your fear of beinf a lesser person because you dont work. I have srruggled with this self imposed judgement since leaving full time work (due to my mental health). But being mum to four kids is a huge task. Blogging is a fantstic was of rebuilding your sense of identity and it can also become a wage earning job too.
    Thanks for sharing with us, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I think you’ll be just fine. You will also make an excellent career out of blogging imo, you write very well and I enjoy reading what you’ve written. I am a sort of sahm, (this is how you must always refer to yourself online now! 😉 ), but more of a wahm and I must say that I do really love having something else that I do to tell people that ask, as I don’t feel ‘just being a mum’ is enough. Which is total crap, because being a parent is a full time job, and a very important one too, possibly the most important, these are small people of the future we are shaping here!! I think I’m feeling it more so with one at school and one at three and so they are not quite so needy or helpless as babies. #bigpinklink

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  6. thank you so much for the encouraging words. Since writing that post, I have really gotten used to my new role and feel happy and confident. Like you say, this is shaping the people of the future. What better person than their mother to do that job 🙂

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  7. I’m a ‘work at home mum’ now my daughter is in school but completely resonated with this, I’ve been a full time mum, I’ve worked full time and send my daughter to nursery for practically all hours of the days – both sides of the fence so to speak and it’s taken me a while to have the courage to drop everything and be my own boss. Parenting is the toughest job I’ve ever done, and I only have one to keep clean, fed and alive. But its my favourite job. Whatever life choices we make as mothers we are rocking it, we are awesome and we all need to support each other! #bigpinklink

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  8. Fantastically written, and I’m pleased that I got to read this, and find out some more about you! I totally agree with lots of what you say, I constantly worry that I am less of a person for not having a job, and some days I DO feel like I will go mad for being at home all the time, and I’d love to do all the things you described-get dressed up, go to important meetings, have people need to listen to what I’ve got to say!! But you have 4 children, and as I’m only just holding on by the skin of my teeth with 2, I’d say you’ve definitely chosen the harder job, by staying at home! I’m still working on defining myself, and working out where I fit in this world, and in my SAHM role, but knowing there’s others like yourself doing the same, and working it out by blogging also, doesn’t make it quite so scary! I hope you love blogging as much as I do. I hope it prevents you from tipping into insanity!
    Thanks for sharing with us.

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  9. Thank you for this wonderful wonderful comment. For taking the time to read and let me know there is others like me. With the same worries and fears. Blogging is my therapy and my new found passion. Thank you!!

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  10. Hello fellow new blogger, looks like we begun at a similar time. Me and my OH are having similar discussions at the minute, I really want her to not return to work after maternity leave, but she is struggling with the idea of just being a ‘mum’. The conversations continue……

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  11. I thought I had commented on this one already but it doesn’t look like it…so sorry if this is a duplicate but I too am just about to become an unemployed stay at home mum after working full time forever. It’s scary, there have been a few tears at the prospect of spending the next goodness knows how many years playing happyland and wiping pooey bums all week… but hopefully together we can muddle through eh?!
    #bigpinklink

    Like

    1. Definitely! Blogging is the safety rope! we are so much more than unemployed stay at home mums. And we will take the good days with the bad. Have you decided for sure? For me there was a rough week that followed after finally sending that resignation email. But it will all be fine in the greater scheme of things xx

      Like

  12. So well written! I totally agree with you, working at home as a full time mum is blinkin hard work! Only without the flash job title and with an air of “Oh I’m JUST a mum” Pah!! I work two days a week and for me that is perfect – but I consider popping in to work my rest days!

    …Starbucks really is the best though! 🙂
    #bigpinklink

    Like

  13. Thanks for every other magnificent article. Where else may just anyone get that kind of information in such a perfect means of writing?
    I have a presentation next week, and I’m at the search for such info.

    Like

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