Parenting is fun.
It is like a Perpetuum Mobile of pleasure, delight and enjoyment. Spontaneous giggles. Unexpected annotations. (Or in the case of my 5 year old – rolling commentary.) Unpredicted situations. Infinite trials and tribulations. As a parent you gotta be on your toes. You gotta think fast. You have to have foresight and always be prepared for the unexpected. Every day my kids will say or do something that will surprise me, make me laugh, make me think or just make me really proud. One lesson I have learned very early on my parenting journey is: “Never underestimate your child.” Ever! Kids are a lot smarter, clued in and aware of what goes on around them than we give them credit for. They are also a lot tougher than we might think. They have perseverance and determination. But I don’t want to bore you with the obvious stuff. That’s parenting for beginners. That’s basic stuff. Let’s move on to parenting for Pros. Every so often we are confronted with situations that require a Pro. I am talking next level parenting. This is for the players. For the tough cookies. For the hard asses. If you are faint-hearted, step away. Because this is where the real challenge starts. That’s where buttons get pushed, where boundaries are set (or not), where a combination of Ninja reflexes, hostage negotiation skills and the ability to multitask are immensely handy. Where even the prepared parent has to free-style and improvise.
Here are 8 next level parenting scenarios that you may have come across. If you haven’t come across them yet, then take this as a little preview of what is yet to come. (You are welcome!)
- When you get that really, really, really important phone call as you are parked up with all kids on board. Trying to listen carefully to the person on the other end of the phone. World War III breaks out in the backseat of the car over a half eaten box of raisins. (What the….. What do you do? Wave your arms in the hope they under stand sign language? Mouth profanities? Give them the evils? “The Look.” You know, the look! The “LOOK INTO MY EYES. DO YOU SEE MY FACE? DO YOU SEE THE MESSAGE I’M SENDING YOU? IT’S TELEPATHIC, YOU LITTLE SHITS. ABSORB IT. LEARN IT. FEAR IT. )
- When you do your grocery shopping and all kids insist that they either sit in the trolley or hang off the sides of it and you are now not only pushing 2 tons of groceries in a trolley with wonky wheels, but also about 85kg worth of bodyweight. Sounds like fun. Anyone else wanna hop on?
- When you co-sleep with your kids. Ah yes, we all have heard the funny stories of parents doing the “Cliff hanger”, one foot on the ground clutching on to the corner of the duvet like they are hanging on for dear life. Pop over to “Putting Baby to sleep lie a Pro”!
- When you venture out with the kids, spontaneously, because you still got that in you (that thing called spontaneity) and you realize that you brought wipes, but no nappies, or nappies and no wipes, nor have your brought any supplies to satiate that sudden thirst and starvation that overcomes not one, but all children……
- When you are feeling brave and bring your kids out to eat. You manage the tray, the buggy plus 3 kids under 5. You secure a table in proximity. Everyone is sitting down. You fetch a high chair. Look around to make sure you haven’t upset any of the fellow diners with screeching chairs/kids. The food is laid out on the table, everyone is ready to dig in… But hold it, one of the kids has to go to the loo. NOW! ARGH!!!
- When you are just dressed for the day, you’re feeling a little pretty today, feed baby his bowl of Weetabix and he decides it’s a good time to start blowing raspberries… … Nice one, dude!
- When your child has a tantrum. In the supermarket. Every parent’s favorite. Who doesn’t love a good public tantrum? I have always resorted to carrying on with my shopping, moving through the aisles, pretending to be totally un-phased by having my child thrown on the floor of the supermarket creating a scene fit for “The Exorcist”. If onlookers asked “Is he/she alright?!”, I would simply reply “He/She is grand.” Move along. Nothing to see here…..
- When you help long lanky child put on her tights, kneel down in front of her and get THIS close to getting kneed in the nose. My inner eye of foresight sees a bloody mess and my nose half way up my brain. What do I do? Start crying? Start cursing? …… *adjusts crown and calmly continues to put on tights*
Have you taken your parenting to the next level?
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