Play Hard or go Home – Parenting for Pros

Parenting is fun.

Fact.

It is like a Perpetuum Mobile of pleasure, delight and enjoyment. Spontaneous giggles. Unexpected annotations. (Or in the case of my 5 year old – rolling commentary.) Unpredicted situations. Infinite trials and tribulations. As a parent you gotta be on your toes. You gotta think fast. You have to have foresight and always be prepared for the unexpected. Every day my kids will say or do something that will surprise me, make me laugh, make me think or just make me really proud. One lesson I have learned very early on my parenting journey is: “Never underestimate your child.” Ever! Kids are a lot smarter, clued in and aware of what goes on around them than we give them credit for. They are also a lot tougher than we might think. They have perseverance and determination. But I don’t want to bore you with the obvious stuff. That’s parenting for beginners. That’s basic stuff. Let’s move on to parenting for Pros. Every so often we are confronted with situations that require a Pro. I am talking next level parenting. This is for the players. For the tough cookies. For the hard asses. If you are faint-hearted, step away. Because this is where the real challenge starts. That’s where buttons get pushed, where boundaries are set (or not), where a combination of Ninja reflexes, hostage negotiation skills and the ability to multitask are immensely handy. Where even the prepared parent has to free-style and improvise.

Here are 8 next level parenting scenarios that you may have come across. If you haven’t come across them yet, then take this as a little preview of what is yet to come. (You are welcome!)

Niños-odian-comprar-2

  • When you get that really, really, really important phone call as you are parked up with all kids on board. Trying to listen carefully to the person on the other end of the phone. World War III breaks out in the backseat of the car over a half eaten box of raisins. (What the….. What do you do? Wave your arms in the hope they under stand sign language? Mouth profanities? Give them the evils? “The Look.” You know, the look! The “LOOK INTO MY EYES. DO YOU SEE MY FACE? DO YOU SEE THE MESSAGE I’M SENDING YOU? IT’S TELEPATHIC, YOU LITTLE SHITS. ABSORB IT. LEARN IT. FEAR IT. )
  • When you do your grocery shopping and all kids insist that they either sit in the trolley or hang off the sides of it and you are now not only pushing 2 tons of groceries in a trolley with wonky wheels, but also about 85kg worth of bodyweight. Sounds like fun. Anyone else wanna hop on?
  • When you co-sleep with your kids. Ah yes, we all have heard the funny stories of parents doing the “Cliff hanger”, one foot on the ground clutching on to the corner of the duvet like they are hanging on for dear life. Pop over to “Putting Baby to sleep lie a Pro”!
  • When you venture out with the kids, spontaneously, because you still got that in you (that thing called spontaneity) and you realize that you brought wipes, but no nappies, or nappies and no wipes, nor have your brought any supplies to satiate that sudden thirst and starvation that overcomes not one, but all children……
  • When you are feeling brave and bring your kids out to eat. You manage the tray, the buggy plus 3 kids under 5. You secure a table in proximity. Everyone is sitting down. You fetch a high chair. Look around to make sure you haven’t upset any of the fellow diners with screeching chairs/kids. The food is laid out on the table, everyone is ready to dig in… But hold it, one of the kids has to go to the loo. NOW! ARGH!!!
  • When you are just dressed for the day, you’re feeling a little pretty today, feed baby his bowl of Weetabix and he decides it’s a good time to start blowing raspberries… … Nice one, dude!
  • When your child has a tantrum. In the supermarket. Every parent’s favorite. Who doesn’t love a good public tantrum? I have always resorted to carrying on with my shopping, moving through the aisles, pretending to be totally un-phased by having my child thrown on the floor of the supermarket creating a scene fit for “The Exorcist”. If onlookers asked “Is he/she alright?!”, I would simply reply “He/She is grand.” Move along. Nothing to see here…..
  • When you help long lanky child put on her tights, kneel down in front of her and get THIS close to getting kneed in the nose. My inner eye of foresight sees a bloody mess and my nose half way up my brain. What do I do? Start crying? Start cursing? …… *adjusts crown and calmly continues to put on tights*

Have you taken your parenting to the next level?

I am on Facebook.

This post first appeared as part of the blogging I do for Meet Other Mums, who I am very proud to blog for as part of their blog squad! Please check out their site!

 

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31 thoughts on “Play Hard or go Home – Parenting for Pros

  1. Amazing! They should do advanced military style parent training camps for these very scenario! My 3 year old decided to lie down and have a little nap yesterday. Whilst I was paying for my shopping in Asda. In the middle of the “exit” aisle behind the tills. I was doing the frantic “sweetheart get up pleeeease!” Whilst typing in my pin to pay and trying to reach her with my toe to nudge her out of the way…. A ninja manoeuvre would have been handy!

    Fab post!
    Dawn x
    #abitofeverything

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  2. lol so funny because yes I can relate. And why is it that whenever I have phone call their are tears and tantrums without fail! I love that image of the girl too! #thebigpinklink

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  3. Yes! All so true!! I weep for the newbies, who are yet to require these hardcore skills for the next level!! I’ve certainly had to step up my game recently! My toddler was having a tantrum over wanting a different sippy cup to the one playgroup had given out, yesterday. I was totally ignoring him while all the staff were saying ‘don’t you know your child is crying? Is he tired? Is he hungry?’ All possible suggestions, but I was just intent on ignoring it till it blew over. Everyone sitting quietly in a restaurant is always a win, but mine will always kick off if they can’t eat their food INSTANTLY! And it’s ALWAYS too hot, so we are cutting and frantically blowing on it, trying to get the screaming to stop! We definitely need a practical guide for the next stage of parenting-I’m sure you could write a very comprehensive one!!
    Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m not there yet, 1 at 8 months! To b honest I am a little apprehensive now i’ve read this post! I am sure the next level will happen progressively and not hit me all at once! One thing at a time!!

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  5. Kids know that when you are on the phone, you are distracted & they always play up! ALWAYS! It’s the same in my house. I had such a laugh at the girl hanging off the trolley lol oh the joys of parenting hu? #abitofeverything x

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  6. lol I have three kids and can totally relate to this. My older two are 7 and 9 now, it does get easier. But I have been kneed and headbutted in the nose. It takes time to plan going out. Great post xx Thanks for linking #abitofeverything xx

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  7. lol! I just have my 5 yrs old begging to go to the toilet the same time as my almost 2 yrs old, when he should have been eating his dinner at my sister place this evening. But he won and I let him. What a scene it was! It turned out my almost 2 yrs old didn’t want to go to the toilet after all – she just want to play with the magnets on fridge in the kitchen next to the toilet! Wow! Did that conversation really took place? My relatives who have no kids were stunned! But it was so normal to me. lol! Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost 🙂

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  8. Loved your list – too funny! The thing I hate about being out in public when the kids get crazy are the side comments from other people. Once when we were out with our daughter when she was newborn, she started crying at the supermarket and a woman remarked, “Wow, someone’s not happy!”. thanks for stating the obvious. #FabFridayPost

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  9. this list is fab.
    I reached an all new level the day I tried to take DDs double bass to school on my mobility scooter. Now she knows not to forget it because it was sooooooooo embarassing seeing mum doing that!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I am there!! In the car on the way home from school they shut two roads which meant I was stuck on this loop road doing circles until they opened one of the roads up again. It was hell I was stuck in the car for 45 minutes driving loops as my two children argued in the car over a half-deflated balloon. I have never wanted to pop a balloon so much in my life! 🙂

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  11. Oh yes! I have experience all (baring the tights as I have boys but the same thing with shin pads) I especially hate the I need the loo cry, mine are 7 and 9 and I have yet to eat a hot dinner and the shopping trolley drives me nuts too. We almost had a disaster when it started to tip!!!

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  12. Ooh I love your reply to the tantrum, I usually start going into some massive explanation, which the person is no interested in. Your response is ‘I got this’ #abitofeverything

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  13. Oh I can relate to so much of this. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to to get through the day. I wasn’t quite as bad as I had three 6 and under. You are doing great hon. Love the trantrum reply. xx Thanks for linking up #abitofeverything

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  14. I’m sure its a rule that kids have to break out in a fight as soon as your on the phone!
    My kids like to sound like their dying when I answer my phone.

    great post v.funny 🙂

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  15. This made me howl as parents the world over can recognise these scenarios. Now that mine are older I am dealing with a whole different level of challenges but tantrums sadly are still hanging in there, refusing to leave. #bigpinklink

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  16. Dude, 3 kids under 5? I wouldn’t leave the house! Nope, still struggling to figure out the first parenting level with one under 2 😃
    #fartglitter

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  17. I’m still honing my skills…!! Except, you perfect one set of pro parenting skills for these situations, and the kids immediately up their game, and you have to up yours!! Being kicked in the face while putting on your child’s tights is quite eye watering… My youngest accidentally head butted me on the nose the other day-I’d sworn loudly before I could stop myself!! And at our supermarket, they have ONE trolley that has a ride in car attached to the front, that only takes ONE child at a time. I dread it being available when we arrive at the supermarket-if the children see it, they scream if I don’t let them in it, if I let them in it, they scream about having to share the car… FML!!!!!!
    #bigpinklink

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  18. I’ve only got one and sometimes I feel like I need some expert training to get through the day! I can’t stand going to the supermarket. .why do kids always kick off in the supermarket?!!loved this post and you’ve well and truly put me off ever having 3 kids haha xx #bigpinklink

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  19. Oh this made me chuckle! I thought Monkey at eighteen months was about as bad as he was going to get roll forward to four and eighteen months seems like a breeze!! We’ve had the supermarket tantrum over some polystyrene eggs. I have to say I just burst into laughter and carried on. He’s never done it again! Thank you for joining us at #bloggerclubuk hope to see you again this week X

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