Roadrage in the Supermarket

Going out with children is a big deal. Going out requires planning, organization and preparation. But when you have one or multiple children in tow, you come to realize one thing.

“Time is of the essence!”

Time and timing are critical when small people are involved in your plans. Unless you are a fan of unnecessary stress and pressure, of course. Poor planning and bad timing are the pitfalls of the venturing parent. So when you venture out with the smallies, and you have a time window of limited duration, the last thing you need is other people slowing you down.

Today’s post in devoted to all the slow, sluggish, lethargic, slothful and unhurried people in the world.

Hello slow Person,

We have met before. We have met numerous times in fact. More than I desired.

I am a mum. Of course! You could tell. The frazzled look about me and the army of kids were a dead give away.

So here’s the thing.

I work under time constraints and under a lot of pressure. Everything I do, I do it fast-paced, because I have to. I am at the grace of these small little people. It may come as a surprise to you but kids generally don’t have a lot of patience. They have small bladders, have nap times, and simply aren’t lovers of sitting in the buggy or in the car seat for prolonged times.

In other news, I don’t have time for dawdling, galavanting, meandering, or leisurely strolling, casually zigzagging in the middle of the footpath, shop aisle or road. It gives me roadrage! In the middle of the shoping aisle!

You are slowing me down and that’s a problem. You are causing me major frustration.

You are everywhere I go.

You are driving in front of me and you are driving as slow as hell. Unlike you, I am in a hurry. Aforementioned carload full of kids is either hungry, tired, needs to pee or all three. So if you care to get out of my way, thankyouverymuch….

You are the person at the checkout in the supermarket. You are having a good old chinwag with the customer in front of me. Chatting about the weather or some other random shite. Why are you moving in slow motion? No, I don’t have a loyalty card. I also don’t want to sign up for one. No, I am not collecting stamps and I don’t have time to sign up for the raffle either. Whatever else you want to ask the answer is ‘no’. Just hurry with the scanning my groceries, thankyouverymuch.

You are the person in the coffee shop. I know you are being polite and probably genuine adoring my baby and commenting on his big blue eyes and curly hair (he is pretty cute to be fair). You know this darling child of mine that you are looking at? That’s a ticking timebomb. That’s right. The time window is slowly but surely closing. I need to get out of here before shit hits the fan.

I do apologize to all slow people for perhaps visibly rolling my eyes out loud, exhaling forcefully or muttering profanities under my breath.

Next time you see a poor mother with a little army of kids in the supermarket and perhaps one of them is having a major meltdown in the toy aisle, you will understand, and perhaps make way……

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I am on Facebook.